Letters From My Past 1

This is the first post on this blog (officially) by our very own Shoneel. Addressing his present, we can easily feel and sense the emotions within this fella! Cheers and enjoy...




Dear Present,

I just don’t wana do it with the matter….dont wana put it together, to make it good or get it a meaning. I am just typing whatever is coming in my mind. People go away…and the sorrow is far far ahead than typing correct grammar…

Wrong grammar tells how wrong a person thinks..i think each aspect of life wrongly. I thought some are with me…the people.

But the thing I wait with fear is the time they will leave me….keep me in sorrow and unhappiness…disappointed and hurt. No one will know that I am hurt by their absence, cz they never cared…

Another name for love is said to be CARE…

That means they never loved. I did same with suvarna…

I feel like going back to her, but the experience she has given me is really I would never let it have ahead.

I would say no one ever should get this kinda experience again.

Though I think I love someone else, my heart tells me, it’s the ex who is still residing in here, no one else is allowed. If anyone comes, its just a guest appearance. That’s the problem, no one will love me. Cz when they will peep into my heart, somewhere they will surely find Sherry hiding. And it will be the prime location where that someone would have dreamt of been staying forever. Occupied place can be occupied. But only if the current person is ready of giving away..but ,m not capable of convincing the owner…

I wish I was….so that the next person peeping in will see the place empty. Its difficult to accept that I am just a distraction for someone..but I have to accept it..

Both say they have feeling for me…maybe my expectations go high for people in relationships cz I hav seen Mau-Sau and varun and my second sister in relation..happily going and perfectly INTO each other. Maybe because of that thing I think relation should BE LIKE THIS and when m not getting it, there comes the feeling and stupid thoughts. I will think positive but there has to be some effect from other side too.

Sherry says she have feelings for me…but its just her words saying that, she never calls, never messages. She is just happy with her life without me.. she never needed me..it was me, who was thinking about the cars we will have and long drives with our children. Expectations, as I said.

How much ever I will write, how much ever I will go in detail…no one will understand the deep, enraged and furious feelings which are suppressed inside me in the prime location of my heart for not having that person in there but still residing her existence. Still she roams freely and never looks upon me though I pass across her. No she doesn’t care. But I do..

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How are you Sherry? Miss You. -------

And the reply comes…

-------With my good friend and fun I am happy.

With my studies, I am happy.

With my small trips and holidays, I am happy.

With my mom and movies, I am happy.

With my new scooter, I am happy.

With my new cellular phone, I am happy.

I am Happy, without You.

FUCKED You,

Regards,

Your PAST